


Ripped apart and put back       together piece for piece

by bellakanusti



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Developing Relationship, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Falling In Love, Feelings, M/M, Past Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel, Sorrow
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-08
Updated: 2016-06-14
Packaged: 2018-06-01 02:48:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6497800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellakanusti/pseuds/bellakanusti
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt feels his head swim, seeing those green eyes and that smirk, sends his pulse racing and he feels like he can't quite breathe. He don't need this. He just wants to be alone. Not be recognized or held responsible to anyone. He doesn't need Sebastian of all people to come and interfere with his life.</p><p>He just wants to be alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Split in two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first little peek at a new Kurtbastian/Past Klaine story.. The story it self will center around Kurt and Sebastian, with mentions of past Kurt/Blaine and flashbacks to Klaine.

"So, what is the secret ingredient is those meatballs?”

Kurt looks up at the man who asked him the question and falters. Those green eyes, so familiar and yet so unknown.

He clutches the mug he is holding in his hand hard and breathes. This is not what he needs right now.

“I'm working. So please go away!” He whispers and tries to hold his voice steady.

But the man just leans over the counter and smirks. “If you're working then treat me like a costumer.”

“Please go away.” Kurt repeats and looks around for one of his colleagues.

“Hummel! I just stopped by to get a french meal and I just want to know what those delicious meatballs you are selling is made off.”

Kurt feels his head spin, seeing those green eyes and that smirk, sends his pulse racing and he feels like he can't quite breathe. He don't need this. He just wants to be alone. Not be recognized or held responsible to anyone. He doesn't need Sebastian of all people to come and interfere with his life.

He just wants to be alone.

____

When he wakes up, the first thing he registers is that it's dark. He doesn't remember how he got home. Not really. He doesn't remember what happened after _he_ showed up! Why couldn't _he_ just have walked by? Why did _he_ have to come in and talk to him? And why did it bother him that much that he did?

He turns around and stretches out his arm, letting his fingers travel over the soft fabric of the blanket beside him. If he tries hard enough it's almost like he can feel the warm radiating from under the covers.

He knows it's just an illusion, just his imagination. But still..

In the kitchen he starts to make a cup of tea, finding to mugs and put them on the table. Two spoons of sugar in one, as usual. He knows that the cup will remain still on the table until it's cold and he decides to clean it up, but still…

The encounter in the café earlier, is still fresh on his mind and he has to swallow his words so that he doesn't talk about it. He knows no one will answer anyway, but still…

Why did Sebastian have to step inside and actually approach him, talk to him. They haven't talked since like 10 years ago.. Blaine didn't even talk with Sebastian after the wedding.

And now he had just walked straight into his point of view and dared to talk to him, ask him a normal question, like it's perfectly normal for someone to just start a conversation after so many years. It's not, it's weird and he doesn't know what to make of it. Sebastian must know by now that Kurt have closed all connection with his past after… he must know.. Right?

He looks down at his phone and decides getting some more sleep would probably be good. Then he can just forget about today, about Sebastian…

He walks into the bedroom, opening the closet and smiles when the first thing he sees is the collection of bowties. Blaine's bowties.

It's strange how just seeing those always give him peace.

It's even more strange that today he can't seem to find the calming feeling he used too, just by looking at them.

It's like there is something blocking his way. A pair of green eyes, trying to see him.

He decides to take the yellow and blue one and stuffs them in his back. Nobody is going to take this away from him. No one! Especially not Sebastian.

He goes back to the bed and curls up under the covers, turning to look at the other side. Trying to imagine…

Trying to feel..

It's getting harder.

Every day it's getting harder to feel, to see and to remember. But still…

When he closes his eyes the image is as clear as any other thing.

Soft brown eyes looking at him, a small easy smile, dark curls hanging loose and a face so relaxed and happy, that he can't help but smile just by thinking about it.

But in the mix a pair of green eyes keeps popping up, trying to ruin his fantasi. He doesn't even know Sebastian, not after all those years. So he be damned if he is gonna ruin things with his husband now.

He stretches out his arm and lays it over the other side of the bed, hoping to feel just the smallest touch of skin or the tiniest movement of a chest breathing. 

But his arms remain still.

Cold.

It's always like that.

Whenever he tries to reach out for his husband, the side is always empty.

Have been for months now.

But he still fantasies..

Still holds on to the thought..

And no pair of green eyes is gonna ruin that.

He doesn't say it out loud.

Because doing that will somehow make it more true..

He falls asleep like that, a mix of brown soft eyes and smirking green eyes clouding over each other's. It's the first time he dreams of something else.

It's 8 months since it ended.

8 months since he touched his hand for the last time.

8 months since he felt his lips against his for the last time.

8 months since the last I love you, where spoken.

8 months since Blaine took his last breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any comment is highly welcome, so go ahead :)


	2. Realisation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Jasmine, for being a beta for this story :)
> 
> Enjoy reading :)

Kurt closes his fingers around the fabric in his hand, it's a mix of yellow and purple, one of Blaine’s favorites and he looks up at the time.  
10 minutes.  
10 minutes and then there will be a knock against his door.

He looks down at the fabric in his hand and sighs.  
What have he been thinking?  
Why did he even agree to this?  
And what would Blaine think?

The light coming in from the window reflects the purple color in the bowtie and Kurt takes a deep breath.  
Maybe it will be okay?  
Maybe Blaine would be okay with this?  
Then there is a knock against his door and he swallows. 

As he takes one step towards the door, he clutches the bowtie hard and puts it in his back pocket, before he walks over to turn the doorknob.  
There is a meerkat waiting on the other side. 

 

_Earlier that day_

The minute he sat legs inside his workplace that morning, Kurt knew that this was different. He didn't know why, but something was about to change.  
He fiddled with the bowtie around his neck and looked quickly in the mirror. Black and yellow was his chosen colors for today.  
After only 20 minutes he turned to serve the next customer in line, but only to be greeted with the same smirk and the same pair of green eyes as yesterday.  
The same eyes who had interfered with his sleep last night.  
The same eyes who had made him forget about his husband just for a brief second.

“Kurt.” Sebastian greets and the man smiles.  
Kurt falters a little, because he is quite sure that he never really heard Sebastian say his name like that. It's always been Hummel, princess or lady. Sure he have said Kurt a couple of times too, but there have always been a hint of sneakiness behind it back in high school.  
Now… Now, Sebastian says Kurt like he likes saying it.  
And that's weird!  
No one ever said his name like that… not since Blaine!

Blaine…

The thought about his husband, makes him snap back to reality and he manage to greet Sebastian and ask about what he wants to order.  
To his surprise Sebastian orders tea.  
And 30 minutes later, when Kurt have the opportunity for a small break he manage to convince himself that asking Sebastian if it's okay he join him at the table the man have selected, is a great idea.  
To his surprise Sebastian also agree to this.

They don't talk.  
Not at first.  
It's only when Kurt makes an attempt to get up, to go back to work that he feels a warm hand settling around his wrist and he looks down.  
No one ever touched him since Blaine.

“Do you want to meet up later?”

Kurt looks down at the hand around his wrist and then back up at Sebastian.  
He can't read the other man. But something in his eyes makes Kurt nods his head, before his lips even begins to form words. And then Sebastian talks again.  
“I could come over to your place? I mean if it would be okay with Blaine, of course."

Kurt blinks. So Sebastian does not know about Blaine!  
Should he tell him?  
“Kurt?”

Kurt swallows. “You can come by tonight around seven!” He squeaks out and Sebastian beams, looking like he is happy about that and quickly gathers his cup and throws it in the can, before he turns to Kurt yet again.  
“Thank you. I look forward to talk with both of you.” The green-eyed meerkat smiles and then leaves the shop.

Kurt stands and let his eyes linger on the door; Sebastian just walked out off.  
Why didn't he just tell him the truth?  
He shakes his head and quickly goes back around the desk and takes a new order. Trying to forget about this strange meeting.

After a couple of hours he almost convinced himself, that maybe this could work. He can have Sebastian over without him meeting Blaine. It's not like there isn't anything of Blaine's things at home… in fact almost all of his things is still there.  
But Sebastian doesn't need to know that the man himself is not.  
And maybe this way Kurt can keep Blaine alive just for one more night.

 

_Present time_

The meerkat on the other side is definitely not disappointing! In fact he is quite good looking and he offers Kurt a smile, which Kurt finds himself returning.

He users Sebastian inside and he looks closely at the man when he looks around, a bunch of facial expressions running over his face.  
Curiosity.  
A little nervousness  
A smile.  
Something Kurt can't quite place.  
And then confusion, as he let his eyes linger on the couch.  
He turns and looks directly at Kurt.

“Where is Blaine?”

Kurt’s falters and he feels his heart speed up. Why did he think this was a good idea?   
Of course Sebastian would see right through him.  
Of course he couldn't just pretend.  
A pair of green eyes keeps looking at him and Kurt feels his legs start to give away under him.

“Kurt?”

Why couldn't he just admit to the truth?  
Why did he have to try and hold on to a memory?  
 _A memory…_  
If he have to be honest that’s all there’s left.  
He takes a hand down his back pocket and feels the fabric around his fingers, just as Sebastian takes one step closer and Kurt feels like the walls crumbles in around him and he can't seem to breathe.

A memory.  
Just the illusion of Blaine…  
Nothing else.  
He knows that he have to be honest.  
That he have to tell the truth.  
Sebastian's hand comes out and closes round his elbow, but Kurt doesn't register what he is saying  
Because he is falling, his head is swimming and his body hits the floors just as one thought swirls around his head.

The truth, that Blaine is dead!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you like the story? Then please use some seconds to comment or even leave a kudos if you feel like it.


	3. A letter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian finally get a chance to figure out what is going on with Kurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Jasmine for beta'ing :)

It's warm  
No, that's not it.  
It's hot, sweaty, wet.  
So he moves his head a little, chasing that cool feeling there's surrounding his forehead. 

 

Sebastian is beside Kurt in a heartbeat and catches the man as his legs collapses, just before he hits the ground.  
But he trips over his legs just as Kurt’s body hits his, and they tumbles down and hits the floor hard.  
Sebastian grunts and tries to wiggle himself out from under Kurt. But the man is a lot heavier than he looks.  
He manage to get one arm free and slips it inside Kurt back pocket to roll the man away from him and carries him so that he can lay down on the sofa instead.  
As he slides his hand from his back pocket again, something falls out and lands by his feet.

It's a bowtie.

He furrows his brows and kneels down to pick it up. Why would Kurt have a bowtie in his back pocket?  
He looks back at the blue eyed man laying on the sofa, he looks so relaxed laying like that.   
The thing is, when Sebastian ran into Kurt as his workplace yesterday he had a plan, mock the guy and then leave, maybe getting a laugh out of it too. But that was it.  
And now… now things have turned around 180 degrees.  
He puts the bowtie on the table beside the sofa and kneels down beside the man.  
“Kurt.” He whispers and gently removes a strand of hair from the man's forehead.  
When he doesn't stir, Sebastian gets up and find his way out in the kitchen, where he takes a small kitchen towel and turn on the water to make it wet.   
Then he steps inside the living room again and walks over to put the wet towel against Kurt’s forehead.

He didn't faint or anything, Sebastian can tell, because even if he did fall hard, he is breathing normally. It was more like he fell because of something else..   
He looks around the living room and takes in the surroundings.  
It looks like any other domestic couple's apartment, and yet it's like something is missing.

His eyes settles back at Kurt, when the man stirs a little and Sebastian holds the towel in place as Kurt moves his head against it.  
It's almost adorable the way he seems to seek out the coldness from the towel.  
A small laugh escapes Sebastian's mouth. Adorable. Who would have thought that he would ever sit and kneel beside Kurt Hummel of all people and think of that word. Adorable.

When Kurt doesn't seem to move any further, Sebastian goes out into the kitchen yet again , to find a bowl and put some water for the towel in it. And to find something for himself but also Kurt to drink.  
He managed to find to mugs and opens the refrigerator to pick out some beverages, but then he stops and just stares.

Inside the refrigerator is all the things you normally find, but what's make him stop and stare is two boxes in there, each having one name on them.  
The left is labeled “Kurt” and there is a bunch of vegetables and yoghurts in it, but that's not what is strange.  
The right one labeled “Blaine” is what is strange, bexauenthast one is completely empty.

He takes out some orange juice and closes the refrigerator again. Then he walks back into the living room, carrying the two mugs and the bowl. He puts it all on the table and wets the towel yet again, before he lays it back against Kurt’s forehead.  
Then he stand up and looks around.  
Normally he don't snoop around, but something is off. So he walks to the room with the door closed and inside he finds the bedroom.  
He’s not sure what to search for, not really.  
Inside the room, the bed is looking strange. It's like it's neatly made on one half and then the other side is made but you can see someone has been sleeping there.  
On the neatly made side there is a bed table and on it is two pictures , one of Kurt and one of Blaine and Kurt, it looks like the last one is from their wedding. They look happy.

On the other side of the bed is also a small table, this one does have the wedding photo too and then a photo of Blaine or actually several photos, like some kind of small collage.   
Sebastian's doesn't know why but something makes him pick off the photocollage and when he does something slips out.   
It's small piece of paper, written in a neat handwriting.  
He doesn't mean to read it, but the words kind of speaks to him, so he can't help when his eyes scans over the words.

 

_My dearest husband.  
My Kurt._

_I know this hasn't been easy and that this was definitely not what we planned.  
But things are not always as easy as we wants them to be._

_I talked with Cooper and he said that you are more than welcome to stay with him, when the time comes…  
I also talked with your dad, he cried. I cried. He told me that he wouldn't have wanted any other son in-law, because I was the one person who made you smile again. _

_You made me smile, Kurt. All I ever have to do is look over and see the way your eyes shine when you look at me and I fall in love with you all over again. Because that's a fact Kurt. That I love you and my love only grows stronger and stronger for you, with everyday that goes by.  
I wished the days could continue like this, but they can't. We both know that._

_It's an hour since our last visit in the hospital and the doctors gave us the message.  
It's not fair. Kurt.   
It's not fair that I have to leave you.   
It's not fair that you have to go through so much sorrow and so much pain.  
I'm sorry for that._

_Right now you are sleeping, your face is pressed against my thigh and I can reach down and touch you.  
I have this feeling inside me, that I may not ever be able to do that again..  
That when I fall asleep I won't….._

_I'll miss you, Kurt.  
My husband._

_I don't know what will happen in the future, or how much time we have left before…  
I don't want to leave you, Kurt. Never_

_You once said “I'm never saying goodbye to you.”  
And I wished, I wished with all my heart and soul that I could promise you the same thing.  
But I can't…_

_Just remember that no matter what , no matter where  
I will always, always love you._

_Your husband  
Blaine Hummel. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That letter was a little hard to write. Hope you liked it and the rest of the chapter.  
> Feel free to leave a comment


	4. Waking up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt wakes up.  
> (Not beta read yet)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back.   
> Though this is a short chapter. It is a chapter and I hope you enjoy it :) 
> 
> I'm finaly back, slowly but I'm getting there. For those of you who don't now what have been going on, I have been going trough some stuff,which kind of broke me ( losing my dad very suddenly, getting a divorce after almost 11 years, got down with stress whih means I'm in sic from work and have been for 2months).   
> But all in all things are going slightly better, I got my own place and I'm trying to settle down, get a new start in life and find myself again.
> 
> Happe reading :)

When Kurt woke up, he noticed two things.   
One, a warm blanket was surrounding him.  
Two, in front of was the small photo of Blaine and his wedding, his favorite photo, from the most beautiful day.  
Then he noticed a third things, which made his body run cold. Behind him something moved.

His hand froze midair, where he had held it out to track the frame of the photo on the bedside table. But the movement from behind him made him gasp and go completely still.  
The bed dipped again and then there was a warm hand resting against his hip.

Blaine!?

“Kurt, are you feeling better?”

Kurt wanted to laugh, because of course I wasn't Blaine. That would be impossible, insane.   
“Kurt?” The voice came closer.  
And Kurt closed his eyes. Of course.. Sebastian!  
But what was the green eyed man even doing here?

“Can you try and it up?”

Sebastian's voice was sweet, but wavered a bit, like he was concerned or something.  
A arm snuck around Kurt’s waist and another hand settled around his shoulder and then he was hoisted up a little.  
He opened his eye and finally let them fall to look back at the man beside him.

“There you are.” Something which sounded like relief broke through Sebastian's voice and Kurt couldn't help but wonder what had happened.

“You fainted.” Sebastian explained, like he could read the questions capturing Kurt’s mind.  
“You fainted, when I asked about…” Sebastian looked slightly guilty and something inside Kurt curled into a tight fist, he was almost certain what Sebastian would say next  
“When I asked about Blaine.” Sebastian said, looking into the blue eyes.

The name echoed inside Kurt head and his stomach tightened ad he felt sick. He wanted to shove Sebastian away and bury himself under the covers. He wanted to be alone.

“Kurt.” His name fell so softly from Sebastian's lips, that he snapped his eyes up to look into the green eyes, which were looking at him with so much emotion, so much pain and confusing hidden, that Kurt felt a little guilty. He didn't mean to hurt Sebastian, he just wanted to be alone.

“You don't have to tell me anything.” Sebastian whispered and his hand came up to remove a look of hair from the other man's face.  
Kurt’s eyes flickered for a second. It was such a long time since anyone had touched him. Though the gesture was simply and innocent, something about the feeling of Sebastian's warm fingers brushing over his cheek made his heart ache.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment if you like, it really warms my heart to hear what you have to say.


End file.
